I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
