OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
