I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
