You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This baby is an asshole
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
