Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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