dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
