We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will be naked everywhere
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
