then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
