dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
