I murdered the dance floor call the cops
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
