The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
