she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
