We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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