did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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