the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
