Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
