they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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