yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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