everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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