is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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