I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
