and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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