Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
