just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
