i think i have two assholes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
