brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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