How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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