i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
