I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's always time for handjobs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
