did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
