these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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