the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
