it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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