all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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