HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
