i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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