She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
