Can Purell be used as lube?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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