Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
