Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
