i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
