ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize