What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
