I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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