In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
