I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
