I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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