I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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