I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We don't watch enough power rangers
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
