i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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