My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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