"it" just moved
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
