too bad you live with your parents still
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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