ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
