there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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