The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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