Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
