Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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