I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
