So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
