im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
