somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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