K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
