I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
