Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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