Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize