I just threw up on my dentist
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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