"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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