The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
