He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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