Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drake has all the answers
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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