You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize